Being a mom is something that is hard to describe, at least it is for me. And if you are not careful, you can completely lose yourself, your identity, while raising children. No one could have prepared me for all of the emotions I would experience. Have you ever gotten frustrated doing something that you truly loved? This is how I sometimes feel about motherhood. All along the way, hoping that you are not messing everything up. How is it possible to have so many emotions all mixed together in one melting pot? I have frustration, anger, sadness, zero patience, guilt, happiness, love, gratefulness, and pride. Sometimes I experience all of these emotions within a 5 minute span in my day. This would make even the most emotionally stable person feel like a crazy a person. Essentially being a mom = riding a roller coaster.
The Ups and Downs of Motherhood
I started thinking about this the other day. I had a really bad day that started just as any other day. I went to work for 8 hours and everything was fine, and then I picked my kids up from school. The whining and crying started immediately because I would not stop and get them a sweet treat on the way home from school and that snowballed into crying about not wanting to eat what I was cooking for dinner. Mind you, we had not even made it out of the school parking lot. So naturally homework was an instant fail when we got home and I got fussed at by my son for “ignoring” his sister; are they teaming up against me? Then I somehow burned chicken and rice in the instant pot. So the kids lucked out and got to eat cereal for dinner anyway. That night I cried while I bathed the kids; I felt like an utter failure as a mom, wife, and basic human being. It was the absolute lowest I had felt in a long time. Oh well, there is always tomorrow right?
And Then Back Up
And tomorrow turned out to be the. Best. Day. Ever. How is this possible? We laughed, we enjoyed each others company, and no one whined or cried. And it turns out the food that I cooked the day before actually tasted good and they wanted a second serving. There was nothing different from one day to the next; we woke up at the same time, ate the same breakfast, went to work and school, and came home. How can two days turn out so differently? The answer: no one will ever know. Kids are kids and they are unpredictable, moody, emotional messes, and I guess moms are too. Obviously the ups of motherhood trump the downs of motherhood, or we would never have more than one kid. And we would definitely never encourage our friends to join us in all of the fun. So is all of the hard work worth it?
We are teaching them every minute of every day, but at the same time they are teaching us; teaching us to be kind, flexible, patient, and understanding human beings.
“In giving birth to our babies, we may find that we give birth to new possibilities within ourselves.” — Myla and Jon Kabat-Zinn