Recently, one of my fellow mom friends had to bow out of a career commitment. It was a very hard decision for she had been told and sold for so many years that women can “have it all.”
Marriage + Career + Children + Family Pet + Friends + Self Care + Clean House + Laundry + Happy Home = She’s Got It All
At least that is what society told her how the equation was supposed to look. The outside world told her if she followed the formula, then she would be one of the lucky ones who “has it all.”
The only problem is that this formula did not take into account that she would need sleep, the milk would spill, the dog would run away, and her kids (or even worse, her husband) might come home with a snot nose.
And while the world continues to turn, work comes in, dishes pile up and the sick husband still feels well enough for, well, you know…
She stops everything to be mom and wife.
In her own moment of peace, she screams to herself “I can’t do it all!”
Because the reality is the “having it all” formula does not work.
She knows something has to give, but what? She doesn’t want to disappoint her colleagues and she worked so hard for that professional title, but in her heart, she knows other things are calling for her attention.
The world had told her she could “have it all.” She had been sold by the mompreneurs on Facebook who made it look so easy and who always looked oh so happy. But why does having it all feel so overwhelming and exhausting?
The answer lies in how we are working the formula.
I do believe we can have it all … just not all at once.
And everyone’s answer for “having it all” is going to be different; therefore, everyone’s formula will vary.
As human beings, we are blessed with different phases of life and during these phases, there is a time to learn, a time to grow, a time to work, a time to rest, a time to nurture, a time to give, a time to receive, and a time to be patient and present, enjoying the gifts that are right in front of us.
As we enter a new year, this is the message I think we need to be sharing with each other. Instead of saying “you can have it all,” let’s remind each other that we can have it all, but maybe just not all at once.
And maybe that “all” we were sold as young women is not really all what we were expecting it would be.
Maybe your “all” and my “all” are different.
The truth is there is no magic formula on how your all and my all is supposed to look. But trying to fit too many pieces into one phase of your life is a sure way to never find the answer.
Those career dreams and aspirations you have – don’t give up on them, but also respect where you are in your life. This is a message my mom has preached to me and something I have to tell myself on a regular basis.
I believe we can have it all … just not all at once … and maybe that “all” I had imagined of having after graduating college is not all it is cracked up to be?
Instead of making another resolution for 2018, start exploring the formula that is going to work for YOU.
What do you need to let go of to make that formula work for you right now? What do you need to add? What are pieces of that equation that keep things moving forward? What numbers do you just keep re-working and they honestly never seem to fit?
We got this!
P.S. My mom also told me NEVER take friends out of your equation, they are essential for your formula to work.
P.P.S Who put laundry in that equation???